My ah ha moment if you will…

It took my son getting sick and hospitalized and me getting sick after that to learn that I always put everyone before me!  I ran myself ragged to see that he was better never taking care of myself to only be so sick I missed christmas:(. I wasn’t able to eat much when I was sick so when I was feeling better I saw it as a way to try to control my portions.  First step!

Second step came with the new year!  I committed to join a gym that I knew my kids could be in the childcare and I could workout!  My son cried every time I dropped him off and as hard as that was he was my second child and I knew it was just a phase he and I had to get through!  Thanks goodness the childcare woman was so kind and sweet!  I then committed in my head that this was “me time” and no matter what nobody was taking it from me!  Two years later nobody and no outside event gets in the way.  I do take one day off a week and that is hard for me.  I joke and call it my church!  In the beginning I went 7 days a week.  For me I couldn’t take a day off it was too easy for me to make excuses for taking other days off!  Life is busy!  We allow ourselves to guilt ourselves out of things!  The gym wasn’t going to be one of them for me!  Still to this day when someone wants me to do something or go somewhere I tell them 11am or after is great:). Make yourself a priority!  You will be a happier person I promise!

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Always pushing towards a goal!

So today I am going to give you a little background on me.  I was adopted when I was five days old.  I was adopted by two of the most loving and caring people!  I never had any negative feeling about being adopted!  I have a brother who was also adopted but also not blood related to me.  My mother is Irish 5ft on a good day and very slender with beautiful green eyes and blond hair.  My dad has light brown hair and about 6.1 Polish decent.  I am Mexican American and American Indian.  I am 5.8 and change and to the average person tan all year around!

As a young girl like so many other girls I looked around at my classmates and always seemed to stand out and feel different.  Different as a tween or teenager doesn’t always feel good.  I grew up in a town that was all white so being Mexican American and American Indian I kinda stuck out like a sore thumb.  I was always the tallest and always told I looked older than my age.  I was always overweight. Not obese but over weight and not fitting into all the “cool” trendy clothes that my peers were wearing.  My mom did her very best to get me the “cool” trendy clothes that fit me.  My mother struggled with what she wanted for me and what my body type really was.  I was not an athletic girl and sure not fit!  My mom was a cheerleader and one of the popular girls growing up so it was hard for her to completely understand my struggle.  I had my circle of friends but by no means popular.  The reason why I am telling you all of this was to say I always judged myself against others and felt like I didn’t add up.  I was also judged by them.  I was not on purpose I believe but was also at home made to feel like I could or should be thinner.

In my early twenties I was going to clubs and partying with friends and again always the tallest and the heaviest in the group.  I was always passed up by the guys for all my petite skinny friends.  I always had fun but always being passed up by the guys was rough.  I was always the girl the guys wanted to be friends with or friendly with to get to my friends.  Little by little my confidence was going by the wayside.

The head games went on and on with my weight and even my height.  I would diet and always lose weight.  I did every diet from weight watchers to cabbage soup diets and every diet pill known to man!  They all worked I just was never able to maintain!  I even told myself and my bff at one point about 4 years ago that I needed to accept myself for who I am and that I was going to start therapy to learn how!  It was shortly after that proclamation that I never did go to therapy but did make a decision to make myself a priority instead of always putting everyone else first.  That is where my journey began!

Everyday, every moment make a good decisions!

This journey has shown me that the reason why I never was able to keep the weight I would loss off was because I would lose and then just go back to my old habits.  Old habits die-hard they say…well they sure do!  Took me till I was 36 to see the logic in if you eat bad and don’t work out all the hard work will be lost in a heartbeat!

I constantly think about making good decisions!  I wake every morning and choose a healthy breakfast!  I am realistic with what I have because I have two small kids that I have to get up and out the door every morning!  My food is different now from when I first began this journey I have to admit.  I started committing to “my fitness pal”!  I promised myself I would do it for 2 weeks and do it religiously.  It reminded me of when I was a teenager and did weight watchers with my mom.  She was a member and I just followed her program with her support.  It sure helped me to see what I was putting in my mouth and what I wanted to really eat or not.

If you have not tried “my fitness pal” or something like it I suggest you do.  Make a small commitment that is realistic to you!  Start there…

Because I can!

I began this journey at my heaviest recorded 205 lbs.  I am currently 149!  I started this after my son and I were very sick Christmas two years ago.  I realized I was always taking care of everyone else and not myself.  Almost, like I didn’t care at all about myself…kinda a lost cause.  I had lost some weight during my son’s illness but not on purpose.  I decided to take that loss as a positive and eat smaller portions.  The second week I started eating healthier and proper portions.  This turned into a challenge for me.  I decided to find a gym.  A gym that offered childcare so I never had that excuse.  I pay more than some but I am comfortable there and my kids love the childcare!  Guess what else I actually go!  I have had many of gym memberships and paid them religiously but went sporadically!  So with the portion control, healthy eating and gym the journey began!

Because I can!

I am on a journey.  It’s my journey, and I am okay!

I am starting this blog to share with you all my very long weight loss journey.  It has never been easy for me.  I have never been one of those skinny in shape girls. As an awkward young girl from grade school till about two years ago I struggled like so many other people with my weight.  I never knew what it felt like to love my body or myself for that matter.  Finally, now at the age of 37 I love myself.  Not just for my body and the weight I lost but for the determination I have!  The way I challenge myself everyday!  The way I appreciate what my body is capable of!  The way I use my love for cooking and baking to eat healthy and maintain all of the hard work I did/do!

Please follow my blog and I promise to share with you all of the tips I have learned from either reading books, searching the internet or just the drive I have within myself.