So today I am going to give you a little background on me. I was adopted when I was five days old. I was adopted by two of the most loving and caring people! I never had any negative feeling about being adopted! I have a brother who was also adopted but also not blood related to me. My mother is Irish 5ft on a good day and very slender with beautiful green eyes and blond hair. My dad has light brown hair and about 6.1 Polish decent. I am Mexican American and American Indian. I am 5.8 and change and to the average person tan all year around!
As a young girl like so many other girls I looked around at my classmates and always seemed to stand out and feel different. Different as a tween or teenager doesn’t always feel good. I grew up in a town that was all white so being Mexican American and American Indian I kinda stuck out like a sore thumb. I was always the tallest and always told I looked older than my age. I was always overweight. Not obese but over weight and not fitting into all the “cool” trendy clothes that my peers were wearing. My mom did her very best to get me the “cool” trendy clothes that fit me. My mother struggled with what she wanted for me and what my body type really was. I was not an athletic girl and sure not fit! My mom was a cheerleader and one of the popular girls growing up so it was hard for her to completely understand my struggle. I had my circle of friends but by no means popular. The reason why I am telling you all of this was to say I always judged myself against others and felt like I didn’t add up. I was also judged by them. I was not on purpose I believe but was also at home made to feel like I could or should be thinner.
In my early twenties I was going to clubs and partying with friends and again always the tallest and the heaviest in the group. I was always passed up by the guys for all my petite skinny friends. I always had fun but always being passed up by the guys was rough. I was always the girl the guys wanted to be friends with or friendly with to get to my friends. Little by little my confidence was going by the wayside.
The head games went on and on with my weight and even my height. I would diet and always lose weight. I did every diet from weight watchers to cabbage soup diets and every diet pill known to man! They all worked I just was never able to maintain! I even told myself and my bff at one point about 4 years ago that I needed to accept myself for who I am and that I was going to start therapy to learn how! It was shortly after that proclamation that I never did go to therapy but did make a decision to make myself a priority instead of always putting everyone else first. That is where my journey began!